Mooch Schmooch!

Anthony Scaramucci - AKA “The Mooch”; Presiderp Donald J. Dump’s very short-lived press secretary - visited Bill Maher last friday. And here’s the thing: Mooch is quite obviously a rather sharp tack. He’s got a big, smart brain on top of his shoulders, he can look at a situation, see the problems inherent to it and verbalize them in a clear, concise and honestly, very level and reasoned way.

This is the guy we’re talking about. But you knew that already didn’t you.
Photo: New York Magazine

This trait is very uncommon for a Merican conservative - or well, it is these days at least - most of them try to shove every raging dumpster fire under the carpet so nobody can see it (except the flames are eating right through the carpet of course and the toxic stinking smoke from burning garbage is filling the whole joint and so on.) They’re like, “Oh no there’s no problem here, and besides it’s all the Democrats’ fault, and Obama’s, The Clintons, globalists, George Soros and and.” Sometimes a sprinkling of some Trumpisms too, like “fake news”, and so on. But what it’s NOT is their fault, even though they held sway in the house and in the WH for two years straight after Dump took office.

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The fly in the ointment here though is that Anthony is, after all, a conservative. So most of his solutions to those problems he’s so brilliantly capable of pointing out are going to be either not helpful, or worse, utter shite which only helps to make things even worse, and often this is when he insists on defending Dump even though the guy really is utterly and completely indefensible. ‘He’s my friend. I don’t abandon my friends. It’s hard being Presiderp’, he says. Well yeah, maybe it was hard being Führer too, but we don’t excuse anyone who says stuff like, “I don’t condone of the holocaust, but Adolf’s my friend, I’m not abandoning him.” Ok, I exaggerate; Dump isn’t Adolf, but you know, and I sure know that Dump bloody well would have liked to be.

You know, supreme, unquestionable leader of not just a nation, but an empire. People saluting him wherever he goes, and if they don’t they get taken away by the secret police and worked over or disposed of, never to be heard of again. Only Adolf was a fairly modest dictator in many respects. He didn’t wear a chest full of medals, and he didn’t have an arm and a half long list of titles and honorifics. (He didn’t need to.) You know Dump’s Eagle’s Nest would be made out of solid gold hauled out of Fort Knox, built on top of Mount Rushmore - with his own face added to the ones already present of course, and noticeably larger than them as well might be added. Inside it would be all gold and pink marble like his 5th Avenue Dump Tower penthouse, and he’d have every medal in the Merican arsenal including the Medal of Honor for his great victory over that witch, Hillary Clinton. (“The greatest victory of all time! Everybody says so!” *choo-choo train arm motions*) Plus a few special medals made only for him because of how great and smart and yuge he is, all made of gold of course.

*ahem!* Ok, so back to the Mooch again now! One curious exception to this rule about him was his analysis on the U.S. trade war with China where he for once could not only criticize “his buddy” Don “The Don” Dump (Donnie Two-Scoops doesn’t really have buddies though; he’s a narcissist and only likes you as long as you ceaselessly kiss his ass in each and every situation imaginable), but also put forth a reasonable, thought-through alternative plan.

Then the discussion moved on to why Merica looks the way it does today. Why Mericans are so hateful towards each other. Looking in from outside, I could have told them why, I guess they’re too close over there in Maher’s TV studio, but Merica isn’t Land of The Free, Home of The Brave. Underneath the veneer of freedom it’s an authoritarian, fascist police state, where kids are indoctrinated from the moment they can crawl to hump the U.S. flag and worship power in its many forms. Be it police or military power or the government (making young kids repeatedly swear an oath of allegiance in school, how fucked-up isn’t that), or simply the much closer school yard bully.

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Because yeah, Merica has a serious bully worship problem, and it goes through all of society and its associated pop culture. They’re not always liked, those TV or movie bullies, they’re not always successful, but even when they’re not, they’re still the cool tough guys who get the girls and stuff those pansy nerds into their own school lockers. Even when they’re the villains, bullies still get portrayed as something admirable to many people, and especially to those who have a sociopathic streak. Biff Tannen maybe wasn’t a great guy according to most of us, but he was handsome and he sure could beat up George McFly pretty easily (well, almost all the time, anyway.)

When the bullies aren’t the villains they’re the tough-talking heroes who tells it like it is and don’t take no shit. Harry Callahan mock executes a black guy - apparently so sure he’s fired his gun dry he actually pulls the trigger with the barrel aimed right at the other guy’s face - then he flashes the man a shit-eating grin and walks off. Defenders of fascism and authoritarianism everywhere probably jumps up here and screams, “but the black guy was a bankrobbing criminal!” Yes, and haha, the petty criminals who all get annihilated in 30 seconds by the hero in this movie just happen to be black as scripted in part by totally-not-fascist-because-he’s-apparently-also-jewish John Milius, who also co-wrote and directed totally-not-fascist movie Conan The Barbarian.

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So yeah, the black guy’s a criminal, but he’s also a human being who has rights, and cops are supposed to pursue justice, not retribution. But...who cares, right? He got what he had coming, right?

...And it all stems back to the days of the frontier, back to the times of self-reliance, when the colonist invaders pushed ever westward, when there was no infrastructure, no health care (and shit, even in the 1800s doctors at best were simply guessing at what they were doing, offering ineffective supposed cures that hopefully would not make you worse - or you know, kill you.) There were no supermarkets back in the old frontier days, if you wanted to eat you either grew the food yourself or you went out and killed it and dragged it back home with you.

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So you had to be self-reliant because few people had resources to spare and fewer people still were wealthy enough to buy what surplus existed, so that’s where that “I’ve got mine, fuck you” cultural aspect orignally came from. The problem is, Merica never stopped with that. There’s a wealth of food and resources in the U.S. today like has not been seen on this earth before, yet most everybody are still so stuck in that “I’ve got mine, fuck you” rut that they can’t even see that something like public health care would be an overall boon for EVERYONE. People are like, “I don’t want you to have that, so I rather get hurt too as long as it hurts you worse.”

Also, the Colonialism era as a whole, where European invaders killed their way across the continent, occasionally making treaties with various tribes and whatnot, because we’re civilized, we’ve got laws and you barbarians don’t. Then we went and broke our own treaties, because haha you so stupid for believing us. In love and war anything goes, and especially in war. And the slavery, and the racism that followed to this very day. A nation founded in blood and genocide and nationalism and slavery and racism and authoritarianism... It’s not going to lead to much good.

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You could write so much more on this topic, but I have to stop now. It’s getting late here. Or well, early in fact. Ugh...

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